The Essence of a Every Woman’s Happiness.
Whether you approximate the cultural ideal of beauty or not, are you like most women who suffer because they believe they’re not beautiful enough? Women young and old, slim and fat, yearn to behold the power of attraction that comes with beauty. Their suffering ranges from mild self-judgment to severe cases of bulimia, anorexia, depression, even suicide. Women, young and old, slim and fat, yearn to be beautiful, to behold the power of attraction.
As a woman who stands only 3 feet 8 inches tall, I understand very well the longing to have a figure that fits our a cultural “ideal” of beauty; long slim arms, long slim legs, facial features that attract. I have long yearned for the perks that come with beauty. But for me, there has been no weight loss program, makeover regime or plastic surgery scheme that could help – ever.
People have often consoled my whining about being short-statured with optimistic ‘fluff’ words, about “inner beauty” saying, “All that really matters is your inner beauty. Beauty’s only skin deep,” they’d say. I always thought all that “inner beauty” stuff was just a consolation prize, a “booby” prize that consoles, for women who, like me, will never have a chance of ever approximating the type of physical beauty the media portrays.
Being a “little person”, I’ve experienced the pain of being overlooked as a potential date, girlfriend, partner or wife. The pain I felt only deepened as these experiences repeated themselves as the years passed. By my late 30s, my depression began sprouting suicidal thoughts. About then, I came across this quote from the American poet Robert Frost:
“The best way out… is through.”
I somehow intuitively understood the importance of that statement, and joined a spiritual-work oriented school so I could turned my focus to walking through the issues causing me pain.
One night at school, I was going “through it”, processing a bunch of my anger about not being valued as a woman. I was punching pillows violently, I and yelling at myself, “I hate you!” You know, just a normal Friday night. This was quite aerobic, and after a while I soon got tired, and I lay back on my pillows to rest.
Have you ever had a moment of revelation, a moment of insight that changed your life? Well, when I closed my eyes, I saw something that changed my life. A diamond! Bigger than my entire body! Not a diamond in the rough! This diamond was sheer, refined perfection. Beyond Tiffany’s quality. Beyond what royalty wears! It was bigger than my entire body! Shimmering prisms of light streamed from its center, every facet glistened in rainbow colors.
These words resounded inside me, “I am a diamond. Valuable, precious, beautiful!” The veil of my “surface” self had been lifted. I was seeing my “deeper” self, my true, essential self. In that moment, I was set free! The shackles of shame and inadequacy fell to the floor. I now knew that I was the true authority on my own worth. I filled to the brim with a sense of dignity. I felt like I’d been set free!
As I began to recognize my essential beauty more and more often, big things began to change in my life. I stopped complaining about what I didn’t have, started to appreciate more of what I did have, and let go of being a victim. I began gradually stepping into the full force of my power.
The following summer, I attended the Little People of America ‘s annual convention. Every summer, members of Little People of America, (LPA) gather in a hotel for a week, mostly to freak out the other people staying in the hotel. We also attend workshops, compete athletically and have lots of fun. Walking into that convention, I was a single, 40 year old, never-been-married and determined to meet my man!
One Monday evening, I was introduced to a really cute guy named Brad who had long, luscious brown hair and dreamy eyelashes. The convention week was almost half over (I knew I had to work fast!), so I put Brad through “Peggy’s Instant Attitude Test.” In our first conversation, I asked him, “Why are you a little person?” “What?” he responded calmly. Again I inquired, “Why are you a little person?” Without missing a beat, he replied, “Well, you see, before I was born, God gave me a choice. He said I could be tall, or I could have great hair!” Then he continued to explain that his two six-foot brothers were beginning to thin on top and he wasn’t at all.
Brad’s humorous response was was a green light for me. During the rest of that convention week, we enjoyed the intoxication of new love. The morning he was to return to his home town, he took my hand, looked into my eyes and said, “Honey, you are my destiny. I know we’ll always be together.” Well, he was destined to be right, because a year later, we were married and we now live happily in Los Angeles, California, with our three dogs.
Unveiling my essential beauty not only allowed me to attract an incredibly wonderful guy, it also allowed me to let in the love he offered. The lesson I learned is profound: The world sees you as you see yourself.
I believe every woman can unveil her essential beauty. When she does, there is a glow that emanates from her being. She moves with grace. She walks with assuredness. And she acts with kindness. She is lovely and easy to love. She is powerful. She is happy.
Look at women like May West, Oprah Winfrey, and Queen Latifah. These women may not fit the cultural “ideal” of beauty, yet they are beautiful from their essence. Their essential beauty and healthy sense of pride is clearly evident. The way they walk, hold their heads, smile broadly. Something from the inside glows. Their deep acceptance of themselves as they are, shines forth like a sun of honor.
I know that when a woman uncovers her essential beauty, she is free as a woman. She’s liberated … not only from the torment of feeling not beautiful enough but she’s also free to pursue her heart’s deepest desires. Indeed, she refuses to, rather than exhausting herself trying to please others for love. Her deep self-acceptance is the light that is alluring, captivating, appealing. It’s the light of beauty that inspires love.
10 Ways to Enhance Your Beauty
Here are 10 tips to assist you:
- Silence your inner critic.
Everyone has a critical voice inside that tells them that they are not “enough”; not thin enough, not firm enough, not smart enough, etc, etc. This voice is the number one cause of immeasurable emotional distress and unhappiness. The best way to deal with the inner critical voice is to pay attention to when it speaks to you. When you hear it, silence it by telling it “shut up” or “go away!” Once your inner judge is quiet, an atmosphere of acceptance will preside. From here, blossoming can happen.
- Stop complaining about what you are not, or what you don’t have.
What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life. Therefore, the more you focus on what you’re lacking, your short-comings and inadequacies, the more difficulty you will have in finding peace and happiness, No matter how much success you enjoy or how much you love what you do, or how successful you are.
- Appreciate all that you do have.
Appreciation is the key to an open heart. The more you become conscious of (and grateful for) all the wonderful things in your self and your life, the more you’ll appreciate the things you take for granted, like our sight, memory, or good health, and the more your essential beauty bubbles up and streams out of you.
- Hang out with people who see your beauty and reflect it back to you.
We choose the people who we spend our time with. If those people around you are putting you down and evoke feelings of inadequacy in any way, tell them to stop. Nobody has the right to judge you. If they continue, get away from them. Choose to be with people who honor who you are and support the emergence of your true essential beauty.
- Develop an inner life.
When I speak to kids and adults at schools or conferences, I tell the story above about unveiling my diamond within. Then I encourage them to unveil their own diamonds within. Developing a rich inner life supports this process, so make time every day to go inside and pay attention to what’s going on, on all levels. Taking time to be still, without external stimulus, adds a dimension to our being that brings an unshakable peace and richness into our everyday lives. Daily meditation, prayer, journal writing, sitting, spending time in nature, being fully present in the moment, connecting with your God. All these practices, if approached with regularity and sincerity, will allow your essential beauty to sprout like the seed of a beautiful flower that blooms so beautifully.
- Stop comparing yourself to media’s superstars.
The media is a powerful medium that conditions people’s thoughts and feelings, as it defines in very specific terms what beauty means for us. Many people are not aware that only about 3% of all women possess the kind of figures we see on models in magazines. They don’t realize that those photographs have been highly retouched and manipulated to perfection. Clouded by the shadow of comparison, most women lose sight of what beautiful qualities they do possess. There’s no point comparing yourself to a powerful media standard that isn’t even real. Again, the power of acceptance can then create the healing.
- Make healthy choices.
The power of choice makes us you human. It’s the power you have to choose, both consciously and unconsciously. And as an intelligent human being, you can make choices – healthy choices – that support your well-being. This is what it means to make healthy choices. Indeed, you’re constantly making choices in your thoughts, words, even tone of voice. Every aspect of our lives, many of them unconsciously. We choose our thoughts, words, and even our tone of voice. We choose what we eat, when we eat and how much we eat. We choose who we spend our time with, how much time we spend working or playing, if we exercise or not, and even how much sleep we get. The more we make healthier choices about all of these things, the more your well-being is supported. This, in turn, encourages the unfolding of your essential beauty.
- Remember, you are enough.
A great affirmation or mantra for those who suffer from feeling they are not beautiful enough, smart enough, thin enough, or accomplished enough, is this:… “I AM ENOUGH.” Or say the longer version, “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.” Once you believe this statement about yourself, others will believe it, too.
- Be your own authority on your worth.
The opinions that others have of you can run your life, and even ruin your life. Unveiling your essential beauty gives you a defense against other’s harsh criticism. When you see your own true value, you become the authority on your worth. Walk tall! Your knowing the truth of who you are will set you free.
- Know that what’s deep inside of you outshines what’s on the surface.
Popular advertising survives on convincing you that something is wrong with you. Otherwise, why would you feel compelled to purchase all their products? Remember, though you may have flaws on the surface, deep down, we are all a perfection beyond compare, a magnificence that cannot be translated into words. Unveil that beauty. Be that beauty and enjoy!
In conclusion, I believe that acceptance of everything is what we all came to earth to learn. So, when you accept yourself more deeply, know that you’re not only establishing a ground for sustaining happiness & success, but you’re also fulfilling your life’s purpose.